The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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