I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
