I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
