do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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