I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
