I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
