While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
