is wine microwaveable?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
