Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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