how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
