No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
