Soap is not a condiment
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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