You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize