She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
