I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
