so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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