She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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