Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
