I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
