I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
