They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
