ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
