so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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