Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
