i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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