he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize