Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
