I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
