apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
