I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize