She said her name was "party"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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