If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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