guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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