you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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