I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
