I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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