My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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