she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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