you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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