I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize