Just fell off a train. Bad.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
