Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You were trust falling into bushes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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