So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
