He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
