i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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