I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
