Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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