so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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