I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
