i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
