All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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