Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
