When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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