She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
