you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
