Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
