Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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