Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
