either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Girls should come with a carfax report
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
