What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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