I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
