Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize