I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
