i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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