His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
