She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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