this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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