We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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