you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
