you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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