Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
