"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
