Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just high enough for therapy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize