girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
