So drunk its hurt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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