walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
