I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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