Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
