the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
