after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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