just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
