Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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