OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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