Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is Oprah even human
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
