Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
two words: eviction party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
