I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
