im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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