Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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