I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I look better un-naked...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
