So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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