whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
