I'm jealous of your bromance
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
