so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
