Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
