She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need a burrito and a hug.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
