whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
