Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
