We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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