Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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