i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
