We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
