Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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