A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize