shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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