I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
