Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
