Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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