Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize