i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
