Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
