The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
